Sleeveless Tops Are Inappropriate, Says Congress

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The GOP-led Congress appears to now be in the business of telling women what they can and cannot wear in professional settings. According to multiple journalists, a female reporter was banned from entering an area outside the House chamber because her dress was—gasp!—sleeveless. Though we guess it’s possible that she was trying to entice honorable men into her bed by showing all of that skin, she may have also just been hot given it’s July and the incident took place in sweltering, humid D.C. Another possibility is that, being a busy boss b*tch, she simply forgot her cardigan. The maybe-devious reporter in question was then forced to try to improvise sleeves using pages from her notebook, but was not allowed entry even after what might have been the most humiliating moment of her life.

In the interest of balance and to avoid hysteria, it is true that men are required to wear a suit and tie, no matter how high the temperatures rise in Washington (figuratively and otherwise). Still, there’s something troubling about the specific rules tailored to their female counterparts, which are a.) not officially recorded anywhere and b.) aimed solely at avoiding bare skin in places like the feet and the arms. These actual guidelines are apparently determined by Speaker Paul Ryan. We’ll send more dress-code updates from Gilead—we mean, D.C.—as they come, so stay tuned and until then, “Under his (easily offended) eye.”