In brainstorming for this story, we came across a number of articles entitled “Why you shouldn’t be embarrassed about kissing your dog at midnight.” To be honest, if your choice is between your dog and one of the guys on this list, we’re not really sure how best to advise except to say that you can always abstain from this silly tradition altogether. If you must, however, lock lips when the ball drops, here are six people with whom we suggest you avoid doing it.
Whatever You Do, Don't Kiss...
Unless you're planning to switch jobs in the new year, we'd advise you to keep this sexual tension boiling beneath the surface where it belongs. While we're at it, you should avoid making out with anyone who reports to you, too— trust us, this scenario only ends well when it involves Ryan Reynolds, Sandra Bullock and Alaskan hijinks.
We're taking the whole co-worker concept a step further to include those who aren't paid to work for you as well, even though this one seems obvious. See Trainwreck for further information as to why hooking up with your hot intern is never, ever a good idea for your career (or sense of self-worth).
This is more trouble than it's worth, even if you think this guy is the love of your life and he doesn't even know your friend is alive. The last thing you want to do in the earliest hours of 2017 is deal with drama. Besides, neither you nor your friend will remember this crush a few years from now (unless it's Jordan Catalano/Jared Leto, in which case we really can't blame Rayanne/you because the way he leans).
We take back what we said in the intro—we do think it's preferable to kiss your dog at midnight if your only other option is to makeout with the elusive, hard-to-get guy who made you insane for most of this year. Trust us, a more effective strategy for dealing with this douche is to go out with someone else (or even just pretend to go out with someone else) and not respond to any of your torturer's messages until at least January 2.
This one's a two-way street—you don't get to use the poor sap who's hopelessly in love with you to make it through this holiday, as traumatizing and unfortunate as it may be for single people made to feel arbitrarily less human by the whole tradition. If you won't kiss him on January 2 (January 1st is a wash), you don't get to kiss him at midnight on the 31st, either.
On second thought, we're cool with this one. Why not see the year to its conclusion with the man who's been a stable fixture throughout 2016, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health...?