Heather McMahan Just Wants To Sleep

Heather McMahan is tired... and with good reason. For the past year, the comedian has been on quite the tear, from serving as a red-carpet correspondent for E! and hosting her successful podcast Absolutely Not to traveling around the world for her her third national stand-up tour, The Bamboozled Tour. Naturally, simple — yet essential — life things like sleep get neglected. “That’s me all night, tossing and turning, thinking about the next idea, and I always have my phone kind of close by, so if I think of a joke in the middle of the night, I can like voice memo it and keep it going,” she says on a recent Zoom call with The Zoe Report.

And while her lack of a rest might be occasionally beneficial to the creative process, it can wreak havoc on the body and brain. For this reason, McMahan’s made a concerted effort to cultivate a healthy sleep routine, which she says starts first thing in the morning. “I have to have the sun on my face to recalculate my circadian rhythm, because when you are doing shows, you get on stage at midnight, and then the next thing you know, you're up till 3 or 4 a.m., so it’s all about how you start your day,” she says. “And I am a caffeine freak, but I’m trying not to have caffeine after 3 p.m.”

The comedian is also a fan of a sleep gummy. She recently partnered with Unisom to promote the brand’s new 2-in-1 Sleep Support gummies, which harness magnesium and ashwagandha for better relaxation. “If anybody knows anything about me, I am a ‘woo-woo’ girl,” she says. “I see a functional medicine doctor, and I was already taking magnesium and ashwagandha, which are two of my favorite solo supplements. The cool thing [about this formula] is it’s melatonin-free. I started to get some night terrors from melatonin. So this was kind of the perfect supplement to help me while I’m traveling, you know, helping me with that nice relaxation after a show, because tour life is pretty gnarly on the body, and especially on the spirit.”

Ahead, McMahan gives a full rundown of the wellness rituals that keep said spirits up on and off the road.

What’s the first thing that you do when you wake up?

The first thing I do when I wake up is I pee, and then I take a shot of olive oil with a little lemon juice, and then cut it with a little bit of water. I’m trying this new trend that I saw on Instagram, and it’s supposed to make your skin glow, so we’re doing it.

When you have a chance to treat yourself, what do you do?

I will get massages in any city that I’m in. I will let anybody rub me. I don’t care where I am. I am so beaten up from sitting on so many airplanes that wherever I go, I find a really nice spa, and I always treat myself to a good deep-tissue massage.

What are you listening to these days, in terms of music or podcast?

OK, so right now I'm getting in my European flow, so I’m listening to a specific Spotify playlist called Aperol Poolside, and it’s getting me in the mood to like go on my European vacation. I mean, I’m obviously into the new Olivia Rodrigo; I’m always into Rufus Du Sol. I have a DJ moment with John Summit. I kind of run the gamut, but what else? I just finished the series finale of Hacks. I cried my eyes out, and I’m about to start this show called Off Campus.

Where are you dreaming of traveling to?

I am dying to do a South Africa trip. I really, really, really want to do Cape Town. I’d love to go see the big cats, see the animal migration. I’m an animal lover, and I would just like to get out there and be one with nature, and have on some fabulous Ralph Lauren safari outfit.

What’s one thing that you cannot live without?

This is really wildly specific. I have these lemon mints that they don’t even make anymore by this brand called Simply Simple Mints, and I’m addicted to them. That’s what I have all the time in my purse, always, and I have to buy them off, like, sketchy parts of the Internet.

What’s your go-to secret weapon when you want to look and feel good?

My go-to secret weapons when I want to look good and feel good includes lymphatic drainage massage; cutting out alcohol for, like, 48 hours; and a spray tan. There is nothing you can’t fix with a spray tan. You’re feeling bad about yourself, your whole family died, get a spray tan, and you’ll grieve quicker.

Do you have a favorite workout or wellness practice?

So I actually took this class this morning. I’m obsessed with Pvolve. It’s incredible, and they're just about to open another outpost in Atlanta, so I’m about to be their biggest stalker and fan. PV is incredible. I love.

Jennifer Aniston is also a fan.

She started following me on Instagram a couple months ago, and I almost threw my phone out the car because I was like panicked. But, yes, so she’s a part of it, and it’s just incredible. It’s full body, but you’re using weights and stuff. It’s Pilates inspired. It’s one of those workouts where I can go in, get a great workout, but I don’t leave exhausted or depleted. I feel like I’m getting stronger.

What’s the best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever gotten?

Your partner is your partner, so a big red flag to me is when I see other people talk poorly about their partners. That’s when I know that it’s not going to be a good relationship. Like, I am allowed to yell at Jeff when we get in the car, but it’s just the two of us. I’m not going to take my problems about my relationship and make it public or put it on on anybody else. I’m allowed to yell at him in the car, but that’s it. Never in public. Couples that fight in public make me uncomfortable.

What was your first big splurge?

I bought a Moschino gold-on-gold bag with a giant chain. It is the most gaudy thing you’ve ever seen. It’s actually fabulous, but I don’t know where else I’m going to wear it. I’m going to put it in a shadow box in my office. I was walking down Prince Street in Soho, and we were walking by Moschino, and I looked at my husband. I was like, “I’m actually making money at comedy.” He's like, “You need to buy that bag; that bag is screaming new money b*tch.” I said, “All right, I gotta get it.” And it’s one of my most prized possessions.

What are you saving up for at the moment?

You know what, my husband and I saved up for the last six years by living with my mom, and we bought our first home, and I didn’t realize how expensive furniture was. So I am basically living on pool furniture for the next couple months until we start buying decor. I really want to make my home like my curated space, so I’m saving up for drapes and rugs and furniture, because that sh*t is expensive.

What’s one thing you want to go back and tell your younger self?

I would say, “Be kinder to yourself and the way you talk about your body. But also, just know that the way you talk to yourself will end up making you a lot of money, because other people also feel that way. So, don’t change a thing.” I honestly tell myself, “Keep going, and don’t change a thing.”