Get ready for another piece of your childhood to be ruined: Someone over at Disney decided it would be a good—nay, fantastic—idea to remake the classic film Hocus Pocus. And they’re not even going to release it in theaters. No, much like the rage-inducing remake of Dirty Dancing, this one will go straight to TV. What. Is. This. Year. You can’t just go around “reimagining” iconic Halloween films.
Reportedly, the film will be written by Scarlett Lacey from The Royals, and produced by David Kirschner, who produced the original. David, you should know better. I only have one thing to say to you:
In news that is surprising to no one, the OG Sanderson sisters Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette Midler and Kathy Najimy will not be returning for this monstrosity.
The only expectation I have is that it’s going to be awful. I’m stocking up on lavender aromatherapy oil as we speak because I am going to need a lot of calming down.