(Relationships)

How Someone’s ‘Sign’ Affects Your Relationship Compatibility

Is it all really written in the stars?

Let’s say you just had a successful date with someone and tell your friend all about them. They ask, “But what sign are they?” — which makes you start thinking about zodiac compatibility and how legit it actually is. Linda Furiate, astrologer and relationship expert, says compatibility of the planets is expressed through the elements of someone’s Star (i.e., Sun) sign. “The elements are Fire, Earth, Air, and Water, and each zodiac sign is associated with an element,” she tells TZR in an email. For those not in the know, the 12 astrological signs (also known as the sun or star signs) and their respective elements include:

  • Aries – Fire
  • Taurus – Earth
  • Gemini – Air
  • Cancer – Water
  • Leo – Fire
  • Virgo – Earth
  • Libra – Air
  • Scorpio – Water
  • Sagittarius – Fire
  • Capricorn – Earth
  • Aquarius – Air
  • Pisces – Water

“When two people feel comfortable and compatible with one another, often they will share the same element between their personal planets,” says Furiate. She notes that the most compatible signs are: Fire and Fire, Fire and Air, Air and Air, Earth and Earth, Water and Water, Earth and Water. For example, Taurus and Virgo are both Earth signs. “These two signs may make a good match because both tend to be practical, grounded, and a bit on the conservative side,” Furiate explains. “Whereas a Virgo, being an Earth sign, may feel drained and lifeless around a Sagittarian, who is a fire sign, full of energy and must always be on the go. So a Sagittarius may feel more compatible with a Leo or Aries, as these signs are also Fire and love to have fun and be playful.”

Similarly, Water signs are most comfortable with other Water signs. “There is often a deep sense of knowing and intuition between them,” she says. “Water signs feel a great sense of ease around other Water signs and may easily pick up subtle energies without having to verbalize their thoughts. However, Water signs and Fire signs tend to be the least compatible, as the glum nature of water tends to drown out the inspiration of fire.”

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Mecca Woods, founder of My Life Created, is an astrologer and author of books like Astrology For Happiness and Success and The Astrology Journal. She, too, says astrology is one of many tools we have available that can help us with understanding and relating to each other. “When it comes to astrology and compatibility, I think people are most familiar with the elements and how they blend together,” she tells TZR in an email. “For example, Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) blends well with Air (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) because air signs fuel the fire with their fascinating ideas and carefree personality. Meanwhile, fire signs warm the air and keep things interesting enough for their intellectual counterparts with their playful and passionate energy.”

Compatibility Is About More Than Someone’s ‘Sign’

Furiate says to truly understand the nature of compatibility with the zodiac, it’s important to look beyond one’s Sun sign. “The personal planets include the Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars, which help to deepen the story when describing — and understanding — the full nature of compatibility between two people,” she says. “More often, the personal planets are more important in compatibility between two people than just the Sun sign.” If you really want to dig deep and see what the stars (and planets) say about you and your partner (or partner-to-be), Furiate says it’s best to consult an astrologer who specializes in relationship compatibility. They can help determine the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship.

Mecca seconds that, saying there's a deeper foundation to astrological compatibility called “synastry.” “With synastry, astrologers study the birth charts of two people and compare how those charts fit together,” she says. “We look at how the planets in each person's chart interact, as well as the parts of the chart that are impacted, or activated, most for each person in the relationship. For example, by looking at your chart, I might see you as someone who I can tell all my secrets to or someone who I'll have a hard time hiding things from.” Another example of synastry could be a couple that has very different ways of doing things, which can cause trouble in the relationship. “It could be one person has a Mars in Leo and the other person has a Mars in Scorpio — in other words, this means they may end up bumping heads a lot because they're both incredibly stubborn (for different reasons).”

Woods says she always laughs when someone declares that they hate a certain zodiac sign or that they're never dating *insert zodiac sign* again. “Usually, these are folks that have that sign featured prominently in their chart, like a Libra who claims they hate Virgos (but has a Venus in Virgo or a Moon in Virgo in their chart),” she explains. “I usually find that synastry (or zodiac compatibility) will always play out in a way where we partner with people who are here to teach us something about ourselves, whether we like it or not.”

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Zodiac Compatibility Can Be Helpful, But It’s Not Everything

Woods thinks zodiac compatibility can be very helpful in understanding our relationships, and our relationship patterns. “I would say it's a pretty important component of astrology,” she says. “However, I think paying too much attention to zodiac compatibility can get problematic when someone is ruling out a relationship — or diving into a relationship too soon — without really taking the time to get to know a potential mate.” She says this is why she doesn’t advise people to look at a person's birth chart info before they've had a chance to spend some significant time with them. “Otherwise, they can end up making the wrong assumptions about who that person really is,” she says. “Or you can look at a chart and say, ‘Wow, this is the perfect partner for me!’ — only to find out they're actually a pretty terrible match. And, sometimes, what looks like a terrible match will end up being the relationship that's the most happy and successful.” At the end of the day, she thinks people should be looking for someone who matches and shares their values. (Hint: Your Venus sign can give you some clues about this.) “To me, that's the ultimate sign of knowing whether or not we're truly compatible with someone.”