9 Totally Plausible Reasons He’s Not Texting Back

We’ve all been there—waiting impatiently for some guy (or girl) to deign to respond to the last text we sent him (or her). It’s a maddening scenario, one that usually results in a powwow with trusted advisers (read: your equally clueless friends) regarding hypotheses for his (or her) ongoing silence. Here, some of the best excuses we’ve come up with during these neurotic brainstorms—none of which are even remotely realistic. Feel free to borrow and apply them to your next encounter with a blank, incoming-text-free home screen, however, in order to feel better about getting ghosted.

Getty Images

Whatever You Need To Tell Yourself

He doesn't like to talk on the phone, either, it seems, as it's not like he called to respond to the hanging text in question. Maybe he'll send a letter, snail-mail style. Definitely hold your breath for that one.

Girlfriend, the whole point of sending a text is to get a response, so unless you wrote "no need to respond" or closed your message with an "xo," he should write something back to you.

Yes, your incredible wit intimidated him into silence. Try again with a dumbed down message and see what happens—we suggest "u up?" or "I'm naked."

This one might actually be true, and in that case we're into your guy because who wants someone with a job that allows them to sit and text all day? Still, it's unlikely that he's unable to find 10 seconds to write back "so busy at work today, talk in a bit" followed by some sort of nice emoji, if you're being honest with yourself. Right?

No one ever loses their phone anymore. People are more likely to lose their children than their cell phones—they're like phantom limbs at this point.

Have you ever met a guy who was really into you? Did he ever actually avoid seeming too eager? We're guessing the answer is no. Not to generalize, but we haven't met many men who remain cool to the point of possibly blowing it when they really like a girl.

Why not, honey? Does he have a Motorola Razr or something likewise from the dawn of cell phones that may have failed to deliver it? If the answer is no, he got the text.

We're actually okay with this one, and we fully support adopting it the next time a guy you really like ghosts you forever on text. If you're in need of a few creative ideas on how he met his untimely end—so you can share it with all 83,493 people you told you were going to marry this guy—we always like a quick perusal here for inspiration.

Bahahahahaha. No.