Honesty is paramount in any healthy relationship; however, there are times when silence may serve best, particularly when it comes to the sometimes-tricky dynamic between you and your bestie. We don’t advocate for lying in any circumstance, but sometimes there are things your bosom buddy shouldn’t—or even, won’t—hear from you. Are you guilty of saying more than you should? Read on to find out.
6 Things You Should Never Say To Your Bestie
Executing this type of honesty with a bestie will inevitably get you fired from the job of being her main platonic squeeze. Unless you have evidence of wrongdoing (cheating, lying, etc.), it doesn't matter what you think of your best friend's love. Your best friend will always choose her own opinion of her significant other over yours, and you don't want your negative words echoing through her head as she walks down the aisle. Yes, it's sad when our friends end up with partners of whom we don't approve, but there's absolutely nothing we can do about it except hold our tongues until the inevitable day when she discovers what we've known all along.
This is usually something we say to a friend who has recently been through a break-up, or who is having trouble finding someone great to date. But it can come across as incredibly condescending, because it implies that they're doing something wrong, or that they're failing in some way. It's one thing to encourage your friend to accompany you to a yoga class rather than go on another bad Tinder date or hit the club, but it's another to make her feel like you view her as a hot mess who is bringing bad things upon herself.
First of all, in 2016 we know that this is not actually a valid compliment, right? Since we've been socially conditioned to dislike the way we look, particularly when it comes to our weight, our inner response to this statement is generally something along the lines of, "as opposed to before?" This then leads to spiraling about how to maintain whatever new weight our friend seems to be noticing. There are a lot of other compliments with which you can shower a friend—try something less generic and superficial that's more personal and specific to her best qualities.
The vast majority of the time, people know when they've messed up. They aren't, then, coming to you for reassurance that they've done something wrong or bad or counterproductive to their goals. Rather, they're coming to you for reassurance that they haven't ruined their life in the making of this mistake. Try to reserve your judgment and instead offer an empathetic ear. Here are some tips for becoming a better listener that could help. Note: We're not saying you shouldn't be honest with her if you think she's made a mistake. Instead, we're emphasizing that you shouldn't make her feel as though you're judging her for it.
When it comes to someone else's livelihood, it's not wise to interfere. If your friend is unhappy with her job, in a toxic work environment, having trouble achieving a deserved raise or promotion, or something of the like, she is definitely in need of your support. Instead of telling her to quit, which may not be a realistic possibility or wise choice, try giving her tips for navigating the situation instead. or offer to brainstorm alternatives with her so she doesn't feel as helpless.
We get that some people are fanatical about this stuff, and simply wish to spread their own personal gospel. Still, telling someone she should get Botox is only going to make her feel insecure and unhappy in ways she may not have been before you made the suggestion. Remember that what's right for you is not necessarily right for everyone.