With the relatively mild-mannered Jimmy Kimmel hosting the 2017 Oscars, we doubt there will be any hugely outrageous moments of note. Political speeches will surely be in greater abundance than roast-worthy jokes, so we’re going to have to get our kicks in other ways—namely, alcohol. If you want to play #OscarsSoTipsy with us, below are all the times we recommend you take a swig during the show. (Also, this goes without saying, but please do not drink and drive. A quick Google search rewarded us with several Lyft promo codes good for a $50 ride. Use them!)
Every Time Chrissy Teigen Makes A Meme-Worthy Face
It's no secret that Chrissy is one of our favorite humans alive. She's obviously purposely funny, but often she is inadvertently so, hence her many memes. With hubby John Legend performing, we're sure to see her silly face immortalized in GIF form immediately following the program.
Every Time Someone Gives A Political Speech
Maybe do a half a sip on this one, since (we assume) nearly every speech will involve some level of political discourse.
Every Time Donald Trump Tweets
The Donald—ahem, President Trump—has live-tweeted the Oscars in years past. We're sure he's going to be on-hand to respond to the political speeches we're predicting will abound, and to be honest, this exchange might be the most entertaining aspect of the show.
Every Time The Camera Pans To Denzel
You know it will.
Every Time Someone Brings Up Meryl
She's the Beyoncé of acting (or is Bey the Meryl of music?!): Everyone always mentions her in their speeches.
Every Time You Hear The Words "La La Land"
The film is nominated 13 times, and while we're not ones to complain about overexposure to Ryan Gosling, it's probably going to feel like a bit much. Bottoms up!
When Ryan Gosling Says Something Swoon-Worthy About Eva Mendes
No man is more perfect than Ryan when it comes to adoring the mother of his children (who may or may not be in attendance). We hope they never split up, but if they do, we will happily pounce as if Eva never existed. Hey, just being honest.
Every Time Two Actors Engage In Overly Emphatic Greetings...
...and they fake it so poorly you're amazed they made it all the way to the Oscars.
Every Time You Have An Inappropriately Sexy Thought About Mahershala Ali
We may or may not have recently stalked him at LAX. Our apologies to his wife.
Every Time You Wish Beyoncé Was Performing
True, we will witness performances by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Sting, Justin Timberlake and John Legend—but none of them are Beyoncé. Drink.
Every Time Jimmy Kimmel Mentions Matt Damon
Can we retire this joke yet?
Every Time You Wonder If The Show Will Ever End
Because it will inevitably exceed the scope of our depressingly short attention spans—and because we'll have new episodes of Girls and Big Little Lies to watch.