Things All Real Girls Do Before 9am

We constantly aspire to be better, more productive people, which is why we bring you content like 8 Things Every Girl Boss Does Before 9am. That said, we don’t know anyone who actually does all of those things in the early morning hours of the day (perhaps this why all of our friends are broke AF)—so we thought we’d shed some light on what real women are up to at and around dawn. Here, seven things we all really do before 9am. (Shhhh!)


This Is You

You shouldn't, but that doesn't mean you don't. If you're anything like us, you likely average around three snoozes per morning.

You tell people you meditate, but instead you scroll through Instagram for five to 10 minutes to start your day off on the jealous/bitter/obsessive foot instead of the serenely Zen one.

Hot water—or any water, for that matter—is for bloggers who are Instagram-famous. You like your hydration black, with as much caffeine to jumpstart your snoozed-out brain as possible. As an added bonus, your beverage generally costs you $4-6, despite having read innumerable articles about how much money can be saved by making coffee at home.

You have one outfit in mind, and of course you can't find the piece you need to make it happen. See also: socks that are actually in their appropriate pairs.

Upon awakening, you may experience a brief moment of tranquility. This passes quickly as anxiety overwhelms your overstressed and overstimulated 21st-century brain. This is particularly fun if you have an entire commute ahead of you to dedicate to catastrophizing about your life.

Waze, along with its vaguely hostile unprotected-left-turn recommendations, may just send you to an early grave. The same is true of a crowded sidewalk/subway/bus.

Show us a person who actually has time to eat breakfast at their house in the morning, and we will happily enjoy that photo of Gwyneth Paltrow.