We typically try to avoid inundating you with dire news, as we know you come to us for lighter fare meant to balance out the incessantly negative realities discussed on other channels. Today, however, we can’t avoid coverage of what may go down in history as one of *the most tragic events of 2016: the avocado shortage. Yes, that’s right, ladies—our favorite fruit (vegetable? who knows!) is officially in short supply due to a perfect storm of factors including a labor strike in Mexico and a drought in California. We spoke to Katie, a fashion PR executive living in Los Angeles, to see how rising avocado prices are affecting her daily life. “My favorite avocado toast in town rose from an incredibly reasonable $10 per piece to an outrageous $11.50,” she said. “I don’t make enough to support my habit at this rate.” Stacy, a buyer for Saks, agreed. “I may have to go back to eating almond butter with my toast. It’s like it’s The Great Depression or something.” Many of the other women we spoke to from all over the industry—editors, designers, and the like—worried about how they’d manage to get enough “healthy fat” in their daily diet with the absence of avocados. “I’m scared I might waste away,” said fashion writer Jane. “There’s only so much Udo’s Choice Oil 3-6-9 Blend a girl can take in one day.”
Not everyone has lost hope, however. Elaine, an LA-based lingerie designer, had these words of comfort for those of us in the struggle. “Look, we still have turmeric and kombucha,” she said. “It’s important not to lose sight of all there is to be thankful for in the face of this adversity. We’ll get through this together, even if it means eating fewer grain or burrito bowls for a while. Maybe the universe is telling us it’s time for a juice cleanse, you know?”
Elaine might be right, but that doesn’t mean we’re not saddened by the shortage. If you’re worried about avocado supplies and want to do your part to help, we recommend trying citrine, moss agate, or jade crystals, all which help to enable prosperity. With a little good will, we’re confident we can prevent avocado toast from going the way of the trendy breakfasts that have come before it (RIP, grapefruit).
*This article is clearly (we hope) a joke, and none of the people quoted actually exist; however, we are pretty upset about the shortage and we do love avocado toast. As Elizabeth Taylor once said, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re cooked!”