When we heard that Lady Gaga has reportedly been tapped to replace a far-too-pregnant-to-perform Beyoncé as Coachella’s 2017 headliner, we were like duh. There’s literally no one else who could fill those enormously talented shoes, is there? Like everyone else who nearly died from excitement when Bey was announced as headliner, we’re still adjusting to this new reality. But before long we’ll be just as stoked about Gaga’s sure-to-be-epic performance as we were about spending a weekend in April soaking up that Lemonade. Here, four things we hope happen during or around Gaga’s performance.
She Performs Lesser Magic
Before Gaga's Super Bowl performance, InfoWars founder and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones said about Gaga that "She's going to stand on top of the stadium, ruling over everyone with drones everywhere, surveilling everyone in a big swarm, just to condition them to say, 'I am the Goddess of Satan,' ruling over them with the rise of the robots in a ritual of lesser magic." We hope this actually happens at Coachella.
Inadvertently knocking out three off-duty Victoria's Secret models (and their musician boyfriends) with her five-inch heels in the process.
She Duets With Tony Bennett
LOL, just kidding—this is Coachella, not Oldchella.
She Honors Queen Bey
Wait, no. She brings Bey on stage for a chair-centric rendition of "Telephone." Yes! "Telephone Booth," the reprise!
She Belly Dances
On second thought, we think it'd be funnier if Bey came out for a rendition of "Bootylicious" and they both jiggled their tummies while singing "I don't think you're ready (for this jelly)" in honor of Gaga's Super Bowl-stomach haters. (And then they both stage dived, conscientiously knocking out the trolls tweeting negative things about them in real time.)